I haven’t done a blog post in forever! I’ve been insanely busy with healing and finishing my master’s degree and coaching certification! It’s been a huge journey for myself since 2017 started. I vowed to leave behind emotions from my past and in January I felt extremely at ease. The last few weeks, emotions have been running high. Usually, anxiety is a huge battle for me but I’ve had it under control for the past few months. These emotions were different. I felt very sad and disconnected. At first I had no clue why. I thought to myself, “wait I worked on these emotions already”. So why would they pop up again? Triggers. For me, social media isn’t the best for my mind. I can easily get distracted from my ideas because I end up looking hundreds of people who are already working on something similar. But, a good friend of mine helped me to remember my motivation. I never competed with others, I never had a desire to. I always felt my life was my life, if that makes sense. That I am the only one in control of my life by my choices to create the life I want. I work HARD everyday on my mind. On my emotions. On my heart. On healing. And on my future. I know I will never have a chance to have taken the time off from a full time job to focus on my healing and school. I don’t take shit for granted. At all. I pray daily and my faith has become stronger, and I become a stronger person.
Do I let those emotions run me? Sometimes yes. Sometimes I get back to negative thinking and even hurtful and violent thoughts (I grew up very hard and violence always hit close to home). But I let those emotions out. I give myself time to be aware of them.
Not everything or everyone will understand how you continue to grow and those people are not meant to be in your life forever. I told myself I wouldn’t spend anymore time on people who don’t value me. And I did just that. Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that the gain is bigger than the loss. I absolutely feel that way. I was mind-trapped by telling myself the people I lost in my life last year were irreplaceable. That’s the bullshit I fed myself and kept my spirits low from time to time. And that’s exactly what that is, BULLSHIT. Those people no longer served me or supported me in a genuine way for a very long time and I hid that shit and made peace with them time and time again because I was afraid of letting go.
Since then I have met such supportive and genuine people in my life. People who tell me they love me and truly mean it. People who give me hope and inspiration. I mourned letting go of old friends and intimate partners. I am giving out to others what I want others to give to me and I feel the fucking love so much!! It feels so good to support someone and know that they truly have good intentions.
If you are going through debating on cutting people out of your life, do it! I hope that you do. Eventually, situations will arise that may force you to cut people off. It was definitely the case for me especially since I forgive easily without setting boundaries and let the same people hurt me over and over again. It’s not worth it. Let them go. It is hard, hard as hell. So make sure to prepare yourself with journaling, reflecting, candles, and lots of chocolate. Oh and dancing like a maniac in your car!